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[30 Jun 2007|07:00pm] |
Uhhhh daily livejournal posts? Shit, I guess that means I've progressed from just normal mainstream boredom and into the world of the chronically bored.
tv-links.co.uk is a godsend, and I spend most of my days sitting in this little cafe place in a shitty mall in Norfolk watching TV - I've already worked my way through all the episodes I missed of House, M.D. and Battlestar Galactica - about to start working on both Stargates and Scrubs.
Post-deployment leave ended on Friday, so now everyone is back on the ship. Which is nice, meaning that there's always someone around to help me out and tell me what to do (and pass the boredom with). There's 8 duty sections (they doubled up on leave, 1 and 5, 2 and 6, etc.), so now I only have duty every eight days - next duty day is tomorrow (Sundays are boring anyway - everything closes early). I've got that to look forward to. /eyeroll
Saw Live Free or Die Hard - had Kevin Smith in it, so I had a nice geek moment -
Bruce Willis - "Nice poster."
Kevin Smith - "I take it you're not a Fett man?"
Bruce Willis - "No, I prefer Star Wars."
I snickered.
I met this guy in a Starbucks who wanted to go out with me - he seemed nice and all, a little touchy-touchy if ya know what I mean, but I figured what the hell - a free movie is a free movie, right? Except this guy was really coming on to me, so I kind of figured he only wanted what every guy wants, but I was feeling adventurous (and bored) ... anyway, went to the movie theater but it was closed because the power had been knocked out, so we drove back on base and sat on this beach that's right next to the pier...
I dunno what this says about me, but the moment some guy tells me that he finds me attractive, I immediately get suspicious. I may be many things, but attractive upon first glance has never made the list, and I doubt it ever will. He was acting so suave that it bordered on ridiculous, and I could kinda tell that everything that passed thru his lips was pretty much a lie or some close approximation thereof... but it was so damn interesting to see what lengths guys go thru to get laid. So I played his little game (which was hard, because every time he looked away it was difficult not to roll my eyes), but when he licked my neck and growled, "You taste good" into my ear, I told him he was gonna walk one way, I was gonna walk another, and that would be that. He was a persistant little ass, I'll give him that. But ugh. He was 26 for christ sake.
Guys are so ridiculous. Being a lesbian would be so much easier.
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| Mmhmm |
[29 Jun 2007|06:16pm] |
Another livejournal post?! What's the world coming to? I reported aboard the USS Eisenhower about three weeks ago. The ship is huge, cold and sweltering (berthing is freezing, some passageways are disgustingly hot), and... well, it's also pretty damn cool. Unfortunately, I'm the youngest person in my division, and also the lowest ranked. I'm pretty sure that makes me the bitch. Used to be the newest, but we got in a new woman about two weeks after I reported - she's a first class, so higher up the food chain.
I don't do much - I'm not qualified to do much - so mostly I hang around in the Hydra shop and watch the interaction between everyone in the division - shit like that fascinates me. We're going on deployment for a week next Friday - guess that'll be interesting. Living on the ship sucks; my bunk is small (put one of your hands on your hips, my bunk is just about the width of elbow to elbow in that position, and I've got about an extra two head-lengths on room the other way). I'm too poor to afford my own place and I wont get basic allowance for housing for a while yet (I think about another three years before I can get it while remaining single). And like I mention, they keep the temperature in my berthing just above freezing. Of course, the combat systems berthing was full when I got there, so was admin, so they put me in the AIMD berthing with all the brown shoes. I try to refrain from complaining, cause it's meant to house over two hundred woman, and there's only about 20 of us in there, so it's quiet and I got to choose a cluster of racks with no one else in them but me. Which is nice, I guess.
Norfolk area sucks. It's like driving around Detroit - ghetto Detroit. Virginian roads are a joke; ridiculously narrow and poorly constructed (and saying 'poorly' is being almost naively optimistic). It must never rain in Virgina because the streets don't contain storm drains (which is bullshit, because it's on the fucking ocean and it rained yesterday, and I had to drive in the left lane the whole time because the puddles in the right lane were so huge it was impossible to drive thru them going anything above 20mph without pulling your car into the curb). I'd also kill for a Great Lakes Crossing - the only decent mall around here is in Virginia Beach, and it's small.
But whatever - I'm getting paid to sit on my ass and occasionally do something that might be misconstrued as work, and considering other various alternatives I can only come to the conclusion that it's not really a bad life at all. It progresses, at any rate.
And Vincent has stopped talking to me. Which is not quite soul-crushing, but it comes close.
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| So... hi. |
[13 Apr 2007|04:47am] |
So yeah. Here I am. It's been... seven months, just about. Since I left, that is.
Have I changed?
I like to think so. I'm so much more of a person now. Boot camp... well, lets just say at the end there, I wasn't sure I'd make it out. Battle Stations was, without a doubt, the most challenging thing that has ever happened to me. Physically challenging, anyway. Everything I've done before, it's always been, I can stop. If it gets too hard, I can stop. Except, this time, I literally couldn't. You can't stop. You have to keep going. You run roughly 10 miles during Battle Stations. And that's on top of the evolutions themselves. It seemed like every second, all I could think about was quitting. I can't run anymore. I'm not strong enough to finish this evolution. I need to stop. But wonder of fucking wonders, you don't. If Boot Camp teaches you anything, it's worth. What's anything worth? What's passing Battle Stations worth to me? What's Graduation worth? What's seeing my parents, getting to my A school. Getting my Navy ballcap.
What's stopping worth to me? What's the one moment where the pain stops. The one moment where you catch your breath, and everyone leaves you behind. What's the worth? Worth staying here? Worth failing? Worth knowing that this may be real someday, and everyone but you was strong enough?
It's not worth it. So you swallow the pain, swallow the doubt, and just fucking do it.
Getting my Navy ballcap, as dumb as it sounds, was probably one of the highlights of my life up to that point. Seven o'clock in the morning. Emerging from the tunnel after the loudest rendition of Anchor's Away you've ever sung, when I have the dubious privledge of stricking up the final cadence we'll sing as recruits. Feeling the sun on your face, feeling the breeze cool your sweat drenched face. Knowing in a way you've never understood before what it means to overcome hardship. To know you've succeed in every possible way, succeeded where you would have failed before. You're stronger, faster... you've overcome the weak person you used to be.
Stopping just before going into the tunnel. Getting that speech from my Battle Stations facilitator. Feeling such an overwhelming feeling of pride you want to cry with it. And that final, glorious glorious run back to the Battle Stations building, the whole time thinking "I'M GETTING MY NAVY FUCKING BALLCAP!!!!"
Pulling into the building, reuniting with your division. Moving into formation in the ceremony room. Standing there, filthy, exhausted, and tired. You're so covered in dirt your blue pants are gray. You uniform is smeared and torn. And then the ceremony starts, the National Anthem strikes up, and my Chief lowers himself down off his RDC pedestal to hand me my Navy ballcap and shake my hand.
I cried. Hell, there wasn't a dry face in the room. Proudest moment of my god damn life.
Ahhh, the memories.... well, It's 5:30 in the morning, so I shall recall for Navy tales another day.
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[18 Nov 2006|01:36pm] |
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Graduated Boot Camp, mmmmm fuckin' gratz. Got overnight liberty for the weekend, so I'm in my parent's hotel trying vainly to get used to private showers, sleeping in past 6 o'clock, Starbucks and McDonalds, and cell phones. The civilian world is so weird right now 0.o
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[11 Sep 2006|03:10pm] |
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[04 Sep 2006|02:37pm] |
Hummm, suppose I should update.
Perhaps it was a mistake to start WoW again. I have things I need to be doing. I need to be working out and running and getting my shit together (literally and figuratively). Yet day after day I find myself on Tovar slowly worming my way into a casual friendship with my guildmates in some vain attempted to replace what I lost with Pinnacle. So pointless, really, when I'll be gone for up to three months soon anyways. Guilds make and break in that span of time. By the time I return (if I return) I'll either be so far behind as to never hope to catch up, or there wont be a guild to return to.
I want to stop, but I can't. How lame is that? It's supposed to be just a game, but I guess somewhere down the line I realised that friends are friends, regardless of whether or not you've actually met them face to face.
Spoke with Sepheus again. And Gralin and Maemae and Thunder and Abusive... they were still here, all this time, just in a place where I couldn't find them. God, how I wish I'd have known. What I wouldn't give to have the change to actually go from 1 to 60 with them. How stupid that I care so much about that...
I'm leaving in 9 days. Seems weird, really. Part of me still doesn't want to go. Kinda afraid I'm not ready. I want more time, but I can't have it. I'm going. Progressing, walking forward, whether I like it or not. I hope I'm a different person when I get back. I hope I'm barely recognisible. I hope I'm somebody.
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[25 Aug 2006|12:01pm] |
It's my birthday tomorrow.
What a weird feeling.
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[23 Aug 2006|01:27am] |
Damn you World of Warcraft!
All I want to do is some Cross-Realm BG!! Fix my server~!!!
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[21 Aug 2006|08:11pm] |
I have returned from PT.
I have survived. The mile and a half run wasn't so bad, I suppose.
Funniest part was, I kept telling myself "If you run it all, you'll get to go home and watch the new episode of Honey and Clover!!!"
Yeah, I'm such a nerd.
"Ready?"
"ALWAYS READY, SIR!"
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[21 Aug 2006|12:57am] |
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SNAKES ON A PLANE!!!
Best movie ever. Hearing Samuel L. Jackson saying "That's it! I've had it with these muthafuckin snakes on this muthafuckin plane!" made that $8 worth every penny.
Ahh... the simple joys in life.
And as an added bonus, I got to see Kenan from 'Kenan and Kel' and 'All That' fame fly a plane. 2000 hours flight experience on the PS2 flight simulator, whut whut!! See, video games do come in handy. Those map-reading skills I picked up from games is gonna save my life one day, just you wait.
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| "I can't get the fucking trees - DAMN! I will kill everyone in the world!" |
[18 Aug 2006|01:42am] |
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So Danielle finally got to see Aeris die. For the first time - evar.
Oh, how magical that moment was the first time, nine years ago... Ahhh, I'm getting all nostalgic!!
So like, I can't do a Kaku/Lucci. At all. I could do a Paulie/Luffy for cryin' out loud (though that might have been a bit OOC, but I'll let myself slide because it's Paulie and Luffy... together).
But Kaku/Lucci? Perish the thought. Because I CAN'T WRITE KAKU.
I've got nothing for his character. So screw it, he's just going to be OOC. He'll just be Lucci without the stick up his ass.
... omg I just made a pun. Get it? Stick! Up his ass! The only STICK Lucci has up his ass in this instance is Kaku's-
So anyway. Trying to work out the Paulie/Lucci 'with rope'. And I totally was like - ahahaha, kairouseki rope. That's hot. Lucci strikes me as the kind of guy who simply takes what he wants just because he can. So this time, Paulie is going to take what he wants. Finally. Everyone always has Paulie as everyone's bitch. Even me. Well, no longer!!
Chapter 423 just came out, and Kokoro-baasan is a mermaid. THAT came way outta left field. Well, for me at least, and I may be clueless... but now Ive seen more of Kokoro than I really ever wanted to...
Brittany and Dani called me tonight and were all "Come over and watch a movie!!". So I did. And great fun was had.
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[16 Aug 2006|07:23pm] |
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Hi DANIELLE!!! ARE YOU ENJOYING PLAYING FF7?!?!
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[16 Aug 2006|10:28am] |
Yesssss I went roller-blading and it was FUN.
There's nothing like 1 o'clock in the morning road trips to Buffalo, NY to keep life interesting.
I was gonna drive slow on the way back, but eventually I just went 'Fuck it' and went 85-95 mph the whole way cause I was damn tired and everyone else was asleep. =\ (I would like it to be noted that, on less sleep than our previous driver, I encountered no mishaps, save for a harmless detour thru US customs, and made excellent time (and at no point did I ever get lost))
Came home, slept, missed our damn family dinner because apparently they woke me up twice for it (I have no recollection of such a thing occuring) and then gave up.
Waking someone up doesn't include rubbing my back until I wake up (which is what my mother does), because that's only going to make me fall back asleep.
WAKING someone up includes ripping off the covers, grabbing said person by the forearm, and physically dragging them out of bed and downstairs.
Silly people.
Sometimes I wish I could, like, get real mad at people. Like "FUCKIN' RAWRRR~" sort of mad.
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[14 Aug 2006|01:17pm] |
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OH MY GOD.
Honey and Clover, Season Two, Episode 7.
=)
Will probably have to do PT today, since I've managed to escape it the last two times and Petty Officer Guy was all, "Well, then go to the one on Monday, because you're leaving soon..." And thus, I shall go. Blah.
OH DAMN, I was supposed to go memorize the 11 General Orders before we met next! Shit-
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[13 Aug 2006|08:48pm] |
I just returned from a nice little Mother/Daughter trip me and my mom take every year down in Shipshewana, Indiana for the craft's festival in Napane(sp?). To be honest I didn't really want to go (that sort of thing is my mother's forte, not mine), but seeing as how I'll be gone for the foreseeable future, I couldn't find it in my heart to turn her down. Thus, we went, and have returned.
It was a good time. Real laid back and relaxed ~ no weepy conversations over dinner or in the car, thank god. While it's still an interesting fact for most people that I'm joining the Navy, it's getting to be a rather... how shall I say... old topic for me. I don't mind the initial, "Wow, the Navy, huh? Why? What're you gonna be doing?", and the next few times it's brought up in the conversation, but after that's passed it's tiring to continually talk about it every time I get together with a friend/family. And when I say every, I mean every.
Got bored in the car, was inspiried to write some Norland x Kalgara (giggling like mad as I did so, which earned some strange looks from my mother), and when I got back I ran my (now daily) mile, and ate dinner on the big!table, for once. With Steven! It somehow keeps slipping my mind that he's moved back in for the week, so every time I see him going upstairs or arriving at the dinnertable, I'm always like 'It's Steven!'.
Selling all my college books to Danielle. Hoo~boi.
I feel as if I've given up cigarettes for Starbucks. 0.o
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[09 Aug 2006|10:56pm] |
I really... really really really want a cigarette right now.
I went to a DEP meeting today up at the recruiter's office. We did drills. About Face, Left Face, blah blah blah. Was interesting, I suppose.
Half of me wishes I was leaving tomorrow. Half of me wishes I'll never leave.
What paltry things fall from our lips.
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[08 Aug 2006|10:34pm] |
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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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[05 Aug 2006|02:50am] |
P.S. - I have two cigarettes left - one Camel Light, one Marlboro Menthol Light. Once I smoke those two... god help me, that's it. No more cigarettes. No more smoking.
You can't see me right now, but I'm freaking out just a bit.
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| "Over all the people in the entire world, she chose the six of you..." |
[04 Aug 2006|10:54pm] |
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I challenge someone to a 250 word fic war. 250 WAR, go!!!
Went out and ran a mile in my "Run A God-Damn-Mother-Fuckin'-Mile Every Other Fuckin' Day" regimine. Total time? 12 minutes, 25 seconds. Still a marshmallow, according to my dad, but at least I'm not god awful. 7 minute mile, I shall defeat thee.
Running is kinda fun, though. It's pretty nice when your mind just goes totally blank, and you really don't think of anything other than breathe in, breath out or putting one foot in front of the other. Or maybe I'll take my iPod with me, and put on some classical soundtrack, like Advent Children or the Wolf's Rain OST. Mind's still pretty blank then, except the background noise is nicer - bugs chirping and mosquitoes zzzz'ing in your ear get old after awhile.
I think some days are ups and down, where I'm either crazy excited or real depressed that I'm leavin'. Sometimes it'll be 'god, I can't wait', or otherwise it'll be 'what the fuck am I doing?'. My friends arn't a big help at all (they seem more affronted that I'm leaving them), so I kinda just ride it out or do other things. Which is real hard, because I guess that's all anyone ever thinks of talking to me about. The weirdest part, I suppose, is that the biggest regret I have... is that I'm leavin' Vin. Not my mom, or my dad, or my brothers, or any of my friends. Just Vin. Maybe just because I worry about the kid - I know what it's like to feel helpless, to want to go and be, and unable to. I like to think that when he txt's me and says 'rescue me' and I do, maybe I make it a little easier. That maybe when the future finally arrives for him (and me), I can still call him up and hang, just like we used to.
For we lose not only by death,
But also by leaving and being left,
By changing and letting go and moving on.
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